Random ramblings

CC – Close Corporation or Corporate Circus?

 When the terms “close corporation” or “the corporate world” come to mind, one’s mind would normally conjure up images of an extremely professional, safe, clean and organised work environment.

For the purpose of this post, the abbreviation CC shall refer to Corporate Circus.

Instead, those of us that are a part of it, know that this is so far from the truth that if we didn’t see and experience some of the ridiculous situations for ourselves, we would never believe that they actually happen.

A prime example was hearing about an email that was doing the rounds at a Corporate Circus nearby me, stating that staff would be subject to a disciplinary hearing should they not adhere to wearing their name badges and uniforms. What a joke!

When a workplace imposes such pathetic and ridiculous rules and regulations, it gives me the impression that the hierarchy of the CC (corporate circus) obviously don’t have enough work to do. One would wonder if one of their KPA’s would read as follows, “Performance incentive based upon the imposition of pathetic policies and procedures.”

To set up a disciplinary hearing, takes a lot of time and effort. It often involves calling staff members away from other far more important tasks. It wastes a lot of time – time which could be used far more productively elsewhere.

When will the hierarchy of the CC’s realise that a happy and comfortable worker, is a far more productive worker? Name badges and uniform should be reserved for school children. After all, most of us have been subjected to that for the 12 years of our lives that we were in school.

In general, uniforms are the most impractical pieces of attire for the workplace or CC. They are extremely hot in summer, and in winter, you just about freeze your ass(ets) off because you are expected to parade around in nothing but a flimsy polyester covering, all in the name of “keeping up appearances.”

When confronted on the issue of “corporate attire,” the hierarchy of the CC will often use the fast-wearing-thin excuse of, “It helps promote team work.” Uhm, excuse me, but since when did a pair of pants and a shirt help promote team work? The only thing it achieves is having everyone look like little corporate robots, each trying desperately to lay claim to their very own little space of the cube farm.

This may be purely personal opinion, but quite honestly, when I am dealing with a sales person, or anyone who is in uniform at their place of work, it is definitely not their uniform or appearance that is closing the deal. Quite honestly, the guy can be dressed in a pair of plastic flip-flops and a mesh vest for all I care. As long as he displays a courteous attitude, and knows his product, I am happy. To me, it will never be a case of, “He/she isn’t wearing a name badge, so I won’t do business with them.”

Another area of the CC environment that never ceases to amaze me, is that those who seem to work the hardest and keep the company afloat in terms of profit and sales, are often the ones who are remembered the least when it comes to pay rises or upgrading of essential equipment. One particular establishment comes to mind, where the most profitable department in the CC is the one that has the most outdated equipment, ranging from antiquated office chairs that are a death trap to even place your posterior on, to phones that are malfunctioning to the point where the poor sales person has to stick his head under the desk in order to hear the person on the other end of the line! (Yours truly will refrain from commenting as to where that picture was taken).

“All stationery requests, regardless how small, are to be processed on an official order form only.” You’re kidding me? Not…ok then. At the end of the day, it actually costs the company more for the “official order form” than it costs for the red pen that is needed by the staff member. Next point in question – do they think we eat stationery in our spare time? This is a prime example of being penny wise and pound foolish when it comes to cutting costs in a CC. Curb the use of pens, while spending an exorbitant amount on uniforms. Yeah, that makes sense, doesn’t it? Not!

The CC exists for a reason, but to date, I have yet to establish what it may be. Yes, it helps one pay the bills, but at the end of the day, it turns you into a mindless cube farm inhabitant. Is that really what humans were designed for? I think not. We are creatures of creativity, but the CC tends to stifle that to such an extent, that their employees seldom have any energy or sparks of creativity to their names after a day at the farm, or shall we say circus.

I for one, know that, while I may still be a part of the CC, I am doing my utmost to make sure that it doesn’t suck the life out of me. It isn’t easy, but soon, I will possess the means to be able to walk away from it forever.

Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

Pedal perfect

Over the past few months, questions have arisen as to how to go about commuting to work by bike, so I thought I’d create a post to share what I have learned along the way.

For those of us who live 10km/6.25m or less from the office, this is a great form of transport, as it is often a lot quicker to cycle than to drive over a shorter distance. It’s also good to get in a quick training ride or two during the week, which could save a trip to the gym after work at night.

I’ll list a few items which are necessary to make the trip/commute as comfortable as possible.

First off, obviously, is a reliable bike. A bike that is sturdy enough to handle a daily trip, as well as the rigours of rude motorists (yes, unfortunately, every city in the world has these sad specimens). The bike I currently use, is a 2005 Diamondback Ascent EX 24 speed mountain bike. It’s been a brilliant choice, in that it has never let me down in any way, is relatively lightweight, and also provides a very comfortable ride. You’ll definitely want a bike that can withstand different road conditions as well, especially here in South Africa, where our roads were recently rated as the worst tarred roads in the world (not exactly something to be proud of though, is it?)

The most important piece of safety equipment you will need, is a helmet. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that ‘It isn’t really necessary’ or ‘It makes me look like a mushroom.’ Believe me, looking like a mushroom for an hour or two each day, is far better than living in a permanently vegetative state for the rest of your life after bouncing off a car bonnet, or the tarmac while not wearing a helmet. So get one, and make sure you wear it. Most importantly though, make sure it’s comfortable, and fits correctly.

By fitting correctly, your helmet should sit no more than half an inch above your ears, with the more pointed side facing the back, and the round side, or side with a peak on it facing the front (obviously). It needs to sit level on your head, and not be tilted towards the back or front of your head at all.

Your helmet will be your most crucially important piece of safety equipment, so do not buy the cheapest one you can lay hands on. I repeat, do NOT buy a cheap helmet. Your helmet is replaceable should anything happen, but your brain matter is not. You will also definitely notice a different with regards to how it fits compared to a cheap helmet. This is definitely a time where it is crucial to spend as much as you can possibly afford to spend. try as many helmets on as possible before purchasing one. Just because it ‘looks cool’ doesn’t mean it will fit you properly. Ideally, your helmet should be replaced every two to three years, as they can deteriorate due to sun/cold exposure.

Another important piece of equipment is gloves. Often, the argument has arisen that “It’s too hot for gloves.” Far rather a little discomfort in the form of wearing gloves, than a few days worth of discomfort after taking a spill, and introducing your naked palms to the tarmac. Not fun. Not fun at all. As with your helmet, try on as many different ones as possible, to see which ones fit you correctly, and are the most comfortable. here, it is not important to buy the most expensive pair of gloves that money can buy, but rather an issue of comfort and fit.

When commuting, it is extremely important that you be as visible as possible to motorists. Unfortunately, many of them will still claim to not see you, despite the fact that you are giving the local Christmas light display a run for its money (I speak from experience in this regard). The key here is to be as visible as humanely possible. Since the photo above was taken, I have since added a further two rear flashing lights to the bike, one red, and the other orange. They have different flashing modes, which makes you a lot more eye-catching than a standard static rear light. Oh…I have also managed to modify a Serfas Tube light, and convert it to a rear helmet light, which also works wonders for visibility. It’s more at a motorists eye level, which boots visibility substantially.

Lighting up the front of your bike is equally important. The standard for front lighting on a bike is white. Flashing lights are good for visibility in front as well. Again, yours truly managed to make a modification to a small flashing light that was meant to be a frame mounted model, and installed it on the front of the helmet. I was just fortunate that the Uvex helmet I use, has square vent holes, which made it a lot easier to mount.

Comfortable footwear is important as well, because you never know when you may need to hoof it to the office, be it after taking a tarmac tumble, or be it due to bike problems, such as a puncture. Some may say I am crazy, but I have found my 10-year-old Caterpillars to be the most faithful pair of sturdy and comfortable shoes ever.

Eye protection is also a personal preference issue, but being a contact lens wearer myself, I find a pair of sunglasses to be essential. It allows me to arrive at the office without having to extricate my contact lenses from my hair or ears…

Reading the above post makes biking look like an extremely expensive exercise, but if one shops around, and does research before making any purchases, it need not cost an arm and leg. The health benefits will also outweigh the purchase price after a month or two, as you will start to feel more energetic, and become fitter.

Should you have any questions regarding commuting by bike, or cycling in general, feel free to drop me a mail at thegreenpiggy[at]gmail[dot]com, and I will do my best to assist and offer advice.

Feel free to post comments

The site construction gremlins have landed

You may have noticed a few glitches on the site over the past few days. The visitor map isn’t displaying correctly, and yours truly is also experimenting with HTML and opening an online store. Please bear with me as the site goes through the ‘experimental stages.’

Comments and suggestions are more than welcome. Please let me know if there is anything you’d like to see on the site. All suggestions welcome.

It’s your money

As the above image shows, there are many scam artists out there who will do anything unscrupulous to make a quick buck. They prey on those who don’t read terms and conditions, and on people who don’t think before handing over their hard-earned cash.

As the letters above show, these conniving specimens come in all shapes and sizes, ranging from a seemingly innocent ‘funeral policy’ to an outright scam, such as the one that requires you to pay a processing fee for a prize that you are ‘guaranteed’ to have won! If it’s a prize, why on earth should you have to pay a processing fee to claim it??

These scams come in many other forms as well. A prime example is a so-called pre approved store card, or bank credit card, where you are contacted by the store or bank in question, and they do their utmost to persuade you that ‘you have been carefully pre selected for one of our amazing offers.’

They then go on to tell you that you can do so much ‘right now’ with that extra line of credit, and they really lay it on thick and throw temptation across your path. The biggest piece of bait they dangle in front of you is often along the lines of, ”You only need to pay back 5% of the outstanding balance per month,” or “First payment in six months.”

What a load of hogwash! What they neglect to add to their horrendously persuasive speech, is the fact that you will probably end up paying more than double the amount back for that apparently convenient line of credit. They also neglect to tell you about all of the hidden fees and charges. Their carefully rehearsed speech does not, but should,  include, “You will take a lifetime of minimum payments to pay for a moment’s convenience,” and “You will only pay back more than double what you initially borrowed.”

Another situation as mentioned in the above photo, is so-called debt consolidation loans. Many times, these are offered at horrendously high interest rates, and are only there to benefit the lender. At the end of the day, the poor person who is desperately trying to get out of debt “fast” is in fact making the hole they are in, even deeper than it already is.

From a personal point of view, another form of a scam artist, is the one that is ao often eloquently labelled as….tada (insert drum roll here) …insurance brokers. These sneaky specimens will often sell you policies or products that they stand to gain the most from, and not the ones that you will actually get the most benefit out of. Take the example in the photo above, of the poor unemployed girl who was conned into signing up for a policy! How much lower can these specimens stoop? I could go on indefinitely with regards to these sweet talking, sneaky,  scaly, underhanded specimens, but that will be reserved for another post…sometime.

Doctors could often be classified as scam artists as well. Many a time, they charge very handsomely for their time (often around 5 to 10 minutes per patient at most), hand you an equally expensive script for medication, of which the cost of it would probably feed a small african village for a week, and then have the nerve to tell you, “If this doesn’t work, come back and we will try something else.”

The nerve of it! What they neglect to tell you, is that the ‘guinea pig experimentation will be at your expense, both financially and health wise! (Furthermore, many hundreds of thousands of people die each year by complications and allergic reactions caused by chemical medications and misdiagnosis from doctors – but again, that is another entire post in itself).

When it comes to forking out your hard-earned cash, always take a moment to stop and think exactly what you are paying for, and what you are getting in return. Money may not ultimately be able to buy health, but it can make your life a lot more comfortable in many ways.

Comments welcome.

Stuff-eritis

Def: Stuff-eritis “To go about our lives, accumulating, and hoarding unnecessary possessions, because we ‘deserve’ to have as much stuff as possible in life.”

Sadly, these days, stuff-eritis seems to be a widespread phenomenon. It appears to be highly contagious, especially when mingling and associating with others who suffer from the same symptoms and lifestyle.

Once acquired, further symptoms include: boasting to friends and neighbours about the acquisition of our latest ‘stuff,’ making futile attempts to reorganise the rest of our ‘stuff’ in the house, in order to make room for more ‘stuff,’ using credit to finance the acquisition of more ‘stuff,’ and in extreme cases, even relocating to a bigger house, in order to make room for more ‘stuff.’

Once stuff-eritis has been diagnosed, it is often very difficult to treat. Treatment involves a lot of self-control, as well as the shedding and removal of a lot of one’s ‘stuff’ from the sufferer’s life.

Withdrawal symptoms can often be quite severe, ranging from mild irritation to full-blown bouts and temper tantrums of, “But we NEED that! I’m not giving my ‘stuff’ away!” Symptoms are often accompanied by the wailing and gnashing of teeth, to the point where sufferers are of the strange, but rather devoid notion that they will not be able to ‘live’ without their ‘stuff.’

Sound familiar? House filled to overflowing? Garage and outside storage rooms suffering from a worse case of indigestion than you after eating Great-aunt Edith’s ginger, curry and apple pie surprise? Do friends and neighbours often joke about ‘the shed or garage that looks like it threw up?’

If this sounds familiar to you, then it may be time to admit that you have contracted Stuff-eritis.

Relax, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people contract the disease. Thankfully, it is treatable, and in best case scenarios, curable. Dealing with it does, however, involve discomfort and sometimes inconvenience to a degree.

The first step in dealing with stuff-eritis, is to go through your home and storage areas room by room. Take stock of what you have (whilst refraining from complaining about what you don’t have). Think long and hard about when last the ‘stuff’ in question was used, or if it has ever been used.

Once the assessment has been completed, the next step is often a lot more difficult than the assessment, but it is extremely important nonetheless.

The next step involves parting with your unused, and little-used clutter and ‘stuff.’ Yes, you read right. Parting with your clutter and stuff. Not simply rearranging it, to accommodate more ‘stuff.’ Not relocating to a bigger house, so that you can fit in more ‘stuff.’

Once the initial clutter has been dealt with, and the accumulated ‘stuff’ has been removed, sold, or donated to worthy causes, you will find that the previous symptoms will slowly start to diminish.

You will find that a sense of organisation, and peace tend to move in, and replace the symptoms of stuff-eritis. A tight rein will have to be kept though, to ensure that stuff-eritis does not reinfect you. Should reinfection take place, it is often virtually impossible to treat it, as it tends to spread at a much faster rate, and second time sufferers symptoms tend to manifest in the form of the obsessive hoarding of even more ‘stuff’ than ever before.

(I wouldn’t say the mess depicted above is bad, but I’m sure you’d be able to lose a few people in it…)

Speaking from experience, Stuff-eritis is completely curable.

Replies? Comments? Feel free….