Humour, Funny

Today’s award for stupid goes to…

Never let it be said that I have a dull and boring job.

Today, I had a customer ask me, “When my car’s fuel gauge reaches empty, my car cuts out. Is that normal?”

Needless to say, it took every single ounce of self control to not burst out laughing…but being the good customer service representative that I am, I politely advised them that their complaint would be attended to…after which, I hung up the phone, and yes, you guessed it, laughed myself into oblivion…

Friday funny

Days like today make working at a motor dealership well worth it. We often have strange comments or requests from our walk in customers.

This morning was no exception. A customer came to us and requested a fender for his vehicle. The sales person asked him which fender he was needing, and the response was…..wait for it….”The one I bumped.”

Welcome to Africa…

Tuesday Humour (Satire)

Highly endangered species

The Endangus Trafickus, or more commonly referred to by their non Latin description, as law enforcement or traffic officers, are regarded as a highly endangered species, especially around the Eastern Cape. The rest of South Africa is sadly not exempt from this dire situation. At times, the scarcity is so severe that one begins to suspect that extinction has occurred.

The only way that the general public is convinced otherwise, is when a major sporting event occurs, or a dignitary or politician arrives in town. Only then, is the public able to see that extinction of this once abundant species has not yet occurred, but rather a case of hiatus, or hibernation that occurs between major events that take place in the town. The occurrence of major sporting events tends to have the desired effect on the species, thus rejuvenating them from their long periods of hibernation.

The public should be advised that they are to consider themselves extremely fortunate should they spot an Endangus Trafickus, as they seldom emerge from their state of hibernation more than a few times a year. They are generally considered a harmless species, as they appear to be very laid back, and do not strike unless provoked (note – sticks or paintball guns are not advised). Should they be spotted, it is advised to spread the word, so that others can be informed, and have the privilege of spotting and viewing this rare species.

Monday Mirth

The past weekend say a fairly entertaining trip to the local mall to stock up on food supplies for the week.

Mall Moment 1:

While in the local Woolworths branch, I was looking at a few items on the shelf, when one of their floor mannequins decided to try dive tackle me, and missed me by only an inch or two, when I deftly stepped sideways. On impact, one of the arms broke off.

Needless to say, the culprit responsible for the mannequins’ apparently death-defying act, was a small person, who decided to give it a push as they were walking past it.

After it hit the ground, the floor staff miraculously crawled out from all of their hidden locations to assess the damage. A I was walking past, I commented to them, “Look, it’s the malls’ first case of mannequin murder!”

Needless to say, none of them found it too amusing. If it wasn’t for the shops’ apparent ”Security Policy,” I would have snapped a photo to accompany the post, because the looks on their faces were absolutely priceless after hearing my comment.

Mall Moment 2:

I was walking past a furniture shop in the mall, that had signage on their window stating, “15% off all dining room’s.” Now, don’t get me wrong, but shouldn’t that have read, “15% off all dining room suites/sets?” Needless to say, that photo will be landing itself a spot in my “funnies” photo album. Wonder what they would have done if I had entered the shop and asked to purchase a dining room?

Frozen flies and days of our lives

Being Friday today, I thought I’d keep posting relatively light, so I thought I’d share a few actual responses I have received from customer follow up calls, as well as anecdotes of what some of my past and present coworkers get up to, or used to get up to during the quiet moments.

Working at a motor dealership provides many entertaining moments during the day. I have worked at a fair few places, so for identity protection purposes, I will not divulge whether these anecdotes result from present or past coworkers.

Me: “Good day sir, your vehicle was in our workshop a few days ago, so we are doing a follow up call to see if you were happy with the service you received from us.”

Customer: “My radio was replaced under warranty, because it was faulty, but now, each time I press the power switch, I have a problem with the electric windows. If they are closed, they open. If they are open, they close, but strangely enough, the radio is still not working.”

Me: “Good day sir, your vehicle was in our workshop a few days ago, so we are doing a follow up call to see if you were happy with the service you received from us.”

Customer: “Good service, but why does my heater blow hot air when I turn it on?”

Me (after checking jobcard): “Uhm, sir, you seem to have a relatively late model vehicle, and it looks like that may be an added feature on the particular model you have.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks. have a good day. Bye”

Me: “Good day sir, your vehicle was in our workshop a few days ago, so we are doing a follow up call to see if you were happy with the service you received from us.”

Customer: “Why does the vehicle’s outside temperature display gauge fluctuate while driving?” (seriously)

Explaining that one was a bit of a mission…

During a quiet spell, one of the aforementioned coworkers decided to create a little entertainment. Ingredients used, were one ziplock baggy and one fresh fly. The fly was placed into the ziplock baggy and placed in the fridge freezer in the office.

The baggy was left in the freezer for an hour ot two, and upon returning to the freezer and removing the baggy, the fly appeared to be rather stiff. The coworker opened the baggy and gently removed the fly, which clung to his hand for a minute or two, and appeard rather comatose. As it thawed out, it started walking, and after a few minutes, it took off.

We took delivery of a large part for a customer, and one of the storemen removed the part from the box and crawled inside. He pulled the flap over himself, and waited for an unsuspecting victim to walk past the box.

As the unsuspecting victim, namely the tea lady, walked close to the box, he reached his hand out quietly and grabbed her leg. To say that she levitated, would have put it very mildly.

In one of the places I’ve worked, we had a mezzanine floor level where a lot of stuff was stored, which also made for a few entertaining moments. The next stunt involved a long cord, to which a large rubber spider was attached.

The poor tea lady was once again the unsuspecting victim here. She was walking down the aisle, and stopped to speak to a staff member. Meanwhile, one of the sales people was upstairs with the spider on the cord. While she stood there, he slowly lowered it down, and had it plop gently on to her shoulder.

She took one look at the specimen that had materialised on her shoulder, and hightailed it out of our department faster than greased lightning. Strangely enough, we didn’t see her for a day or two after that.

Of course, guys will be guys. Where there are guys involved who smoke, the stunts tend to be even more elaborate. One example was having a storeman who liked to play with his lighter. He would fart, and see how big he could get the flame to go. Needless to say, he was caught short on one occasion when the flame took to his pants and set them alight.

While he was trying to extinguish the flame with his hand, one of the sales guys saw what was happening, so he picked up a rather large wooden plank and started swatting at the flames with it. While this fiasco was taking place, the MD happened to walk into the department with a visitor in tow. The MD took one look at the events unfolding before his eyes, and shook his head. The look on the visitors’ face, however, was priceless. The MD turned and said to him, “Welcome to our parts department.”

In between that, there have also been wiper blade wars, antenna duels, and sandpaper skirmishes.

Yip folks, never a dull moment at any of the places I have worked for!

What’s the wackiest thing you ever did at work? Post comments.