Posts Tagged ‘satirical humour’

CC – Close Corporation or Corporate Circus?

 When the terms “close corporation” or “the corporate world” come to mind, one’s mind would normally conjure up images of an extremely professional, safe, clean and organised work environment.

For the purpose of this post, the abbreviation CC shall refer to Corporate Circus.

Instead, those of us that are a part of it, know that this is so far from the truth that if we didn’t see and experience some of the ridiculous situations for ourselves, we would never believe that they actually happen.

A prime example was hearing about an email that was doing the rounds at a Corporate Circus nearby me, stating that staff would be subject to a disciplinary hearing should they not adhere to wearing their name badges and uniforms. What a joke!

When a workplace imposes such pathetic and ridiculous rules and regulations, it gives me the impression that the hierarchy of the CC (corporate circus) obviously don’t have enough work to do. One would wonder if one of their KPA’s would read as follows, “Performance incentive based upon the imposition of pathetic policies and procedures.”

To set up a disciplinary hearing, takes a lot of time and effort. It often involves calling staff members away from other far more important tasks. It wastes a lot of time – time which could be used far more productively elsewhere.

When will the hierarchy of the CC’s realise that a happy and comfortable worker, is a far more productive worker? Name badges and uniform should be reserved for school children. After all, most of us have been subjected to that for the 12 years of our lives that we were in school.

In general, uniforms are the most impractical pieces of attire for the workplace or CC. They are extremely hot in summer, and in winter, you just about freeze your ass(ets) off because you are expected to parade around in nothing but a flimsy polyester covering, all in the name of “keeping up appearances.”

When confronted on the issue of “corporate attire,” the hierarchy of the CC will often use the fast-wearing-thin excuse of, “It helps promote team work.” Uhm, excuse me, but since when did a pair of pants and a shirt help promote team work? The only thing it achieves is having everyone look like little corporate robots, each trying desperately to lay claim to their very own little space of the cube farm.

This may be purely personal opinion, but quite honestly, when I am dealing with a sales person, or anyone who is in uniform at their place of work, it is definitely not their uniform or appearance that is closing the deal. Quite honestly, the guy can be dressed in a pair of plastic flip-flops and a mesh vest for all I care. As long as he displays a courteous attitude, and knows his product, I am happy. To me, it will never be a case of, “He/she isn’t wearing a name badge, so I won’t do business with them.”

Another area of the CC environment that never ceases to amaze me, is that those who seem to work the hardest and keep the company afloat in terms of profit and sales, are often the ones who are remembered the least when it comes to pay rises or upgrading of essential equipment. One particular establishment comes to mind, where the most profitable department in the CC is the one that has the most outdated equipment, ranging from antiquated office chairs that are a death trap to even place your posterior on, to phones that are malfunctioning to the point where the poor sales person has to stick his head under the desk in order to hear the person on the other end of the line! (Yours truly will refrain from commenting as to where that picture was taken).

“All stationery requests, regardless how small, are to be processed on an official order form only.” You’re kidding me? Not…ok then. At the end of the day, it actually costs the company more for the “official order form” than it costs for the red pen that is needed by the staff member. Next point in question – do they think we eat stationery in our spare time? This is a prime example of being penny wise and pound foolish when it comes to cutting costs in a CC. Curb the use of pens, while spending an exorbitant amount on uniforms. Yeah, that makes sense, doesn’t it? Not!

The CC exists for a reason, but to date, I have yet to establish what it may be. Yes, it helps one pay the bills, but at the end of the day, it turns you into a mindless cube farm inhabitant. Is that really what humans were designed for? I think not. We are creatures of creativity, but the CC tends to stifle that to such an extent, that their employees seldom have any energy or sparks of creativity to their names after a day at the farm, or shall we say circus.

I for one, know that, while I may still be a part of the CC, I am doing my utmost to make sure that it doesn’t suck the life out of me. It isn’t easy, but soon, I will possess the means to be able to walk away from it forever.

Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

Friday funny

Days like today make working at a motor dealership well worth it. We often have strange comments or requests from our walk in customers.

This morning was no exception. A customer came to us and requested a fender for his vehicle. The sales person asked him which fender he was needing, and the response was…..wait for it….”The one I bumped.”

Welcome to Africa…

Tuesday Humour (Satire)

Highly endangered species

The Endangus Trafickus, or more commonly referred to by their non Latin description, as law enforcement or traffic officers, are regarded as a highly endangered species, especially around the Eastern Cape. The rest of South Africa is sadly not exempt from this dire situation. At times, the scarcity is so severe that one begins to suspect that extinction has occurred.

The only way that the general public is convinced otherwise, is when a major sporting event occurs, or a dignitary or politician arrives in town. Only then, is the public able to see that extinction of this once abundant species has not yet occurred, but rather a case of hiatus, or hibernation that occurs between major events that take place in the town. The occurrence of major sporting events tends to have the desired effect on the species, thus rejuvenating them from their long periods of hibernation.

The public should be advised that they are to consider themselves extremely fortunate should they spot an Endangus Trafickus, as they seldom emerge from their state of hibernation more than a few times a year. They are generally considered a harmless species, as they appear to be very laid back, and do not strike unless provoked (note – sticks or paintball guns are not advised). Should they be spotted, it is advised to spread the word, so that others can be informed, and have the privilege of spotting and viewing this rare species.

Got nuts?

What never ceases to amaze me is the stupid questions people so often ask. I work in the motor industry in one of the sales divisions, and have pretty much ‘heard it all.’

Just the other day, I had a customer ask me, “Do you have nuts?” Now, being of the fairer sex, one would think the answer to that would be shockingly obvious… But merely to quell his curiosity, upon doing a quick outer self inspection of my lower regions, I looked up and returned his gaze, and replied “Uhm, no sir, I don’t believe I do.”

Needless to say, due to that response, the look on his face was a perfect camera moment.

Have you ever had any similar occurrences where you simply couldn’t resist letting rip with the first warped statement that came to mind? Feel free to post replies.